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October 25 2017


not to be a downer but your twenties are super hard and super lonely and tv lied and it’s not glamorous at all and if you are having a hard time it’s ok and it’s normal and you’ll be ok

October 24 2017




to remember how many feet there are in a mile, u just gotta use 5 tomatoes

five to-mate-oes sounds like five, two, eight, 0 and there’s 5280 feet in a mile

#to remember how many centimeters are in a kilometer#remember that there are a hundred centimeters in a meter and a thousand meters in a kilometer#meaning one hundred thousand centimeters#because the metric system isn’t written in fruit-related riddles

So the original mile or “Roman mile” used to be exactly 5,000 feet; the word mile itself comes from mille passus, “one thousand paces,” with one passus standardized as five feet. Pretty important stuff when you remember the Roman legions were almost all foot soldiers, so measuring things in the length of an average solider’s stride made sense. They also used a unit called the stade, which was one-eighth of a mile or 625 feet.

Anglo-Saxons, on the other hand, measured land distances with units called furlongs, which literally means “furrow-long”, assumed to be the length of a furrow in a farm field. (This was derived from the acre, defined as “about how much one person with one ox can plow in one day,” but turning the plow was such a bitch that an acre tended to be about ten times longer than it was wide.) One furlong was 660 feet.

Anyway, at some point the English started translating the Latin word stade as furlong without worrying overmuch about the thirty-five-foot different between the units. (The length of a foot also changed at some point, for extra nonsense). And when it finally became time to standardize the measures, the length of a furlong couldn’t be changed to fit a Roman mile because so many land titles were defined in furlongs, it would have created legal havoc. Instead, the English mile was invented, consisting of eight furlongs or 5,280 feet.

I am not defending the nonsense that is English measurements I am just saying that “fruit-related riddles” doesn’t get at the full scope of their nonsense.

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I feel like, in terms of fashion, whatever camo print is saying, leopard print is saying the exact opposite

Except when it’s on a leopard, in which case it is saying exactly the same thing.

I guess


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Spooky Ghoul Facts with your local Undead Expert, Truffle the Witch! 



Feed a person vampire blood, you get a ghoul. Feed an animal vampire blood, you get a hellhound. Water a plant in vampire blood, you get a mandrake.

Fill up your car with vampire blood? Probably good things, let’s try it.



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holy fuck strong bad

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little known fact, once you are older & no longer in school, time stops being real. did that thing happen one year ago? two? five? a few months ago? who knows. 


little known fact, once you are older & no longer in school, time stops being real. did that thing happen one year ago? two? five? a few months ago? who knows. 

So I was on Wikipedia today...






And I saw something on their front page that I assumed was the result of someone screwing around that hadn’t been cleaned up yet


So I followed the link, thinking it would lead me to Angelina Jolie’s page with some amusing changes made to it, but instead I found this:


There is actually a trapdoor spider named after Angelina Jolie. And one named after Bono. And Stephen Colbert. Apparently the same scientist discovered  all of these and really like naming spiders after celebrities.

There’s also a Barack Obama Trapdoor Spider!  And an A. sarlacc!  That whole genus is filled with wild names.

Entomologists are just. They do this. Other biologists too, but especially entomologists There’s ants named after Douglas Adams (Tetramorium adamsi), two genera of wasps named after Dante, (Aligheria and Aligherinia), ELEVEN species named after David Attenborough (including a beetle, shrimp, echidna, fish, grasshopper, dragonfly, three plants, two spiders, and a plesiosaur), Two worms named after the Beatles (and no beetles that I’m aware of), two David Bowie spiders (Heteropoda davidbowie and Spintharus davidbowiei).

There’s wasps for both Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt (the aforementioned angelinajolieae and Conobregma bradpitti), and Stephen Colbert not only has a spider named after him, but he also then set off a competition between other researchers to name a “way cooler” animal after him, which due to, again, entomologists, ended him up with two beetles, a stonefly, and a wasp (Agaporomorphus, Sonoma, Diamphipnoa and Aleiodes colberti). A fly with a golden butt is named for Beyoncé. There’s an HP Lovecraft wasp named Nanocthulhu lovecrafti. Terry Pratchett got a turtle ( Psephophorus terrypratchetti) and I could not possibly be more happy about that.

And if you wander away from people and into bands, there’s a Radiohead ant ( Sericomyrmex radioheadi), a Green Day plant (Macrocarpaea dies-viridis), a Muse wasp (Goniozus musae), Pink Floyd gets a shrimp, spider genus, and wasp ( Synalpheus pinkfloydi, Pinkfloydia, Cephalonomia pinkfloydi) . Some maniac individually named four different trilobites after each of the Ramones ( Mackenziurus ceejayideedeei, joeyi, and johnnyi.)

I’d complain about how unsystematic this is but how can I get mad when there’s a Terry Pratchett turtle.

There’s a german wikipedia page dedicated to collecting weird scientific names. The list is by no means complete, but it has a bunch of other species, such as Agathidium vaderi named after Darth Vader,  Arthurdactylus conandoylei or a bunny named after Hugh Hefner.







i dont understand half of the words here but god if this isn’t the funniest thing i’ve ever read

im pretty sure red and blue weren’t programmed but just sort of… mutated into cartridges

Red and blue are why QA teams were invented

for fuck’s sake they weren’t badly programmed. They were bleeding edge. It’s so easy to forget that but Red and Blue were literally pushing the limits of what they could fit on the cartridge.

They used every trick in the book. In that way, the programming behind them is GENIUS. It’s frankly a lost art, in this era where hardware is insanely cheap and scalable, when you can just keep throwing more resources at the problem. But Red & Blue were when programmers had to get creative. Not currently using a piece of memory? Repurpose it, we can’t just leave it lying around. Only have a couple registers? Juggle them, keep careful track so we can restore them when we needed. Does this data need to be single purpose, or can we also use it for, say, a seed value?

And all this WORKED. I guarantee you 99% of children playing this never saw a bug in casual play. MODERN games are buggier by a landslide. Remember when X&Y came out and there was an ENTIRE CITY you couldn’t save in because it’d DELETE YOUR SAVE? Imagine that happening in the days of Red&Blue. It couldn’t have. I can turn on my red cartridge TODAY and have it work. And the bugs that did exist, those edge cases they missed? They produce this behavior because the game REFUSES TO CRASH. Sure, you can make it crash if you try hard enough, but goddamn it’s resilient. It just plugs away with garbage data in memory for as long as possible.

Y'all looking down from your 64-bit quad-core smartphones with 128GB SD cards like Red & Blue were programmed by amateurs. What, you also going to bitch that the Wright Brothers didn’t make a jet engine? These are artifacts from pioneers who wrote the goddamn book that others would use as gospel.

a pissed off goddamn programmer.

The Game Boy has 8 kilobytes of RAM. Most of the icons on this site could not fit into the working memory of a Game Boy intact.

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Like, I get that this is a comedian telling a joke but it’s so fucking real. The fear of being institutionalized holds people back from being honest. It’s a big problem. It’s a real problem. It’s a problem nobody is talking about. 



LGBT culture is your parents knowing absolutely nothing about you

LGBT culture is cutting all familial ties and moving in with someone you met online

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i’ve been laughing at this for like five minutes

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Beginning last summer Twitter user @fuguhitman began illustrating his personal backlog of bird-bread puns. His first starchy birb was the Sparroll and he claims to have at least 20 to work through. With 9 completed thus far, we have one question for him: why did you wait so long to share these works of punny goodness with the world?

Follow @fuguhitman on Twitter to make sure you don’t miss out on the rest of the breadbird flock and little bonus birbs such as this chocolate chick cookie:


[via NOTCOT.]

Different Strokes?
















I think I left the teller at the bank genuinely disturbed when I told him that “If I can’t afford it, I just don’t buy it.” 
“What about a car? Do you drive a car?” he inquired, his voice toning on the edge of fear.  
I told him, “Yeah, I have a vehicle. I bought it used for under $3,000.” 
He looked physically pained. “What about if you want to buy some kind of new appliance? Or furniture?” he persisted.
I stared at him blankly. “My couch was $5.00 at Goodwill. Like…I just buy shit cheap or I don’t buy it at all. The only thing in my life that I make payments on is my house, my bills, and my insurance, and that’s split five ways because I have housemates.” 
The young man looked horrified? Appalled? And somehow also awed? 
This guy couldn’t have been much older than me. But it seemed that he’d never even considered the option before of saving up for something to purchase it outright instead of using a credit card.
Am I the only person in my general age group (just turned 26) who’s never owned a credit card, and who has forgone basic comforts in order to save up for items so you don’t owe money to anyone, like, ever? 

If you’re living in the US without a credit card at 26, you’re playing with danger.

No credit is viewed as the same as bad credit. Which means you could be denied if you ever do need to rent an apartment or a car. Hospitals and clinics are also less likely to allow payment plan programs for people without good credit.

The best thing you could do at this point is apply for a credit card you’re eligible for and pay a few things (I do gas and groceries myself) with it each month. As long as you keep it to zero balance each month there is no interest and there will be proof of you not having debt (instead of just the absence of debt).


This is legit how it works.  The system requires records on you, or else.  So you need a credit card and worse, you need to have a record of using it, even if you pay it off every single month.  Unfortunately, the formulas used to determine credit score are secret, so we also have people suggesting that your credit rating is helped if every so often you do pay a bit of interest.  The whole thing is a complete mess.  If you don’t have a credit rating/history, then any loans you manage to get will be at extremely high interest and will require much more effort than they really should.


yeaah let me just go get a card that i can’t pay off because capitalism is shit, even if i literally only buy a pack of gum
that’d go well

If you pay it off in full every month there is no interest.  Do what OP is doing but put some of that on your credit card and pay it off every month, and soon you will have a very good credit rating.

you skipped right the fuck over the “can’t pay it off” part huh

like credit cards are just not a viable thing if you’re poor and have shit income

And I’m saying to literally not put anything on it if you can’t buy it in cash. And I’m aware that they fuck over poor people, but yeah, that’s the system that’s in place. This is advice for navigating it, which is how to obtain good credit which helps a lot.

Right like don’t make minimum payments, put your gas on your credit card then that same day pay the credit card company online then don’t worry about it for another month. It’s an absolutely shit system, but in the event of an emergency it’s good to have.

I have had to explain this to a lot of people in my life, but it’s true- no credit is the same as bad credit. What having (and using) the card actually shows is that you are capable of (and actually follow through on) making regular payments: ie, it is proof of having a steady income (even if you do not actually have a steady income). It is showing you reliably can pay for things you purchase, which is what your credit score is all about.

Think of it this way. You have a credit card, which is your credit tracking device. You use the card to tell someone “I will pay for this thing with borrowed money.” They agree to allow you to pay with borrowed money. You then turn around to your credit card company and say “Thank you for allowing me to borrow your money, I will now pay you back with my own money.” (which, if you repay them promptly enough, you can repay them the exact same amount you borrowed, rather than paying them more than you borrowed [which is what interest is])

The credit card company then recognizes that you successfully borrowed their money AND returned it safely, and they pass that information along to credit tracking companies. Each time you do this, you gain credibility. If you do this enough times, you are considered a credible borrower of money, so that if you ever are in a situation where you need to borrow a large sum of money (for example, a mortgage or a car or a hospital bill or whatever), companies with money will look at how well you have returned money in the past, and say Ah yes, this person repays their debts well, so we can lend them our money this time.

So like, do what the above folks are recommending. Get a credit card and use to to reasonably purchase things you already have to buy- put a batch of groceries on the card. Go home (or wherever you can use the interne), pay it off as if you had paid cash in the store for it. There is no extra fee or interest for doing this, and you are leveling up your credibility in case of emergency later on in life.

Ok, here’s a guide for the easiest way to do this.

1. get your first baby credit card with the bank that you already bank with. If it has cashback rewards, even better (that’ll be free money later).

2. set that shit up so it pays the full amount, automatically, every month. you don’t have to remember to go home and pay it off, or worry about it at all. You won’t pay interest.

Your first card, especially if you have no credit, is going to have a small limit. Like $500. This is important: credit companies want you to use a certain percentage of the card every month. This is 1-9%. I usually just go straight 5%. If you use too much, you look like a wild card (even if you pay it off every month) and if you use nothing than you’re not proving to them you can be trusted.

So your first card has a $500 limit. 5% of 500 is $25.

Your goal is to use $25/month.

This is about a tank of gas for me. So once a month, I would fill up with this card, and then put it in the back of my wallet until next month. The payment was made automatically by my bank from one account (debit) to the other (credit). Rinse and repeat. I did this for a year.

Then after a year, my credit had skyrocketed (because I had nothing before, and added this good habit for a year). So I called up my bank and asked for them to increase my limit based on my new credit. I had shown them I was good at borrowing a good amount of money and paying it back on time every time.

The bank increased my limit to $5,500. Like holy shit, at the time I was definitely not expecting that.

So new math. 5% of 5500 is $225. So now instead of gas, I put my cell phone bill ($50), my car insurance ($130), and my dog food automatic order ($40) on it.

The best part is everything is automatic. I keep this card in the back of my wallet permanently; all these bills and the automatic payments are, well, automatic. My credit goes up, I rack up cash back rewards, there’s nothing to it.

And, if I ever get in an emergency, like a vet bill for one of my dogs, I can use that card to pay the $3,000 emergency bill without worrying about whether the place will take my dog if I have no money. I can then go home, change the settings from “pay in full every month” to “pay $X every month” (more than the minimum!) until it’s paid off, and then go back to just my bills. My credit might take a little dip during that time, but will bounce back pretty quickly.

There’s several other factors to credit (hit me up if you want more info) but this was literally the only measure I took for my first year, and my credit went from 525 to 700 in a year. Another year later, I’m now at 753, have a mortgage with a great rate, and can get a monster ass loan if I really need it in case an emergency or hard times fall.

It’s a shitty system of hoops to jump through, but knowing you can use these measures if it comes to it is a good feeling.

Also you get money back when you use credit card to buy things which is great.

What’s the cash back thing? They give you free money? Or is it just your own money…? Ive never had a credit card either.. Can you cancel them at anytime or is there like a contract..

Yes. You get reward money for purchasing. You can just stop using them and eventually they get cancelled.

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for my writer mutuals

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Tonight at work I asked this man how he was doing and he responded with “That’s a personal question” and like wow what a mood

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